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But I trust Him

It's been a while since I've shared anything about my walk with God with you guys. Truth be told, I've been going through a bit of a rough patch and I'm so lost.

But you want to know something amazing?

Even though I feel far from God, He still loves me.

After my week work experience at the Schools Christian Worker project, I made something on my wall. I divided my wall into two sections- Prayers and Answer to prayers.

Trusty post-it-notes in hand I started to pray. I'd write them down with a sharpie, put the sticky note in the prayers section and pray.

Over the days I would see the post-it-note and remember to pray about what was on the wall. I'm not going to lie, I was so pessimistic about doing this. I really didn't believe God cared about the small things in my life. I thought He only cared about the big things like my future, not my health or my time at college or even basic situations at home like the key getting suck in the front door.

But I was very much proved wrong, the answer to prayer section started to fill up.

The saddest thing about it was that I would have missed almost every single one of those answers to prayer if I hadn't been keeping track of them on my wall. Before, I'd been praying but never really expecting an answer, so I never looked out for them.

God really has been so good and He really does care about the little things.

Now I'm left wondering, how many answered prayers have I missed? How many times has God shown His love for me and I've been blind to it? How many times has He gone without thanks or praise?

Thinking about that though makes me realise just how much God loves me. He's always been there helping me but I've never noticed. I've never noticed and yet He still did it. The amount of times He's kept me safe and I didn't see it but despite this, He still carried on doing it. The amount of times He's shown his love for me and I've not returned it. Knowing this though, He still loves me.

What an amazing God He is.



This morning I was reading a blog called Scattered Journal pages, I'll put a link to the post, she said something that really stuck with me.

I don't know- But God does and I trust Him.

My future has a big dirty question mark above it right now. It's a heavy burden that clings to my mind.

I don't know where I'm going. I don't know my future or what's going to happen. I don't know what will happen at home, if one day I'll come home from college or work only to find that we no longer have one. I don't know why my relationships with people are breaking down. I don't know why my dad has stopped talking to me. I don't know if I'm ever going to recover.

I don't know- but God does and I trust him. 

Arabella

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EXCITING NEWS!

Hiya all.

It's been a while since my last post hasn't it?

A lot has been happening in these past moths My life has taken a roller-coaster of a journey. One full of pain and excitement, love, self acceptance, hard conclusions and fear, lot of fear, it's been quite something.

During this time it might look like I've taken a break from blogging and in some ways this is true, I've taken a break from Acting Natural, but I've been blogging more than ever before.



So today I'd like to introduce you to Lost In The Story.

This is my main blog and is the reason I haven't posted in several moths, I've moved sites.

So why have I done this?

Reason one being that as a blogger I've started to expand and grow. I love Bloggers simplicity but as I started to write more I wished for more control of my blog and the only way I could do that was to move platforms. It's been a bit hard learning a much more complex system but I'm loving it.

I've also changed …

Shy girl speaks

In the movies the shy girl will speak.
She'll find a man that understands and she will be come brave.
Clenched hands she will rise to the stage,
Her audience a sea of those who doubted her.

In the movie she opens her mouth and starlight comes out.
An enigma unraveled in the pale blue of her voices.
People sit shocked, unable to move.
They listen to her voice like their new favorite tune.

In the movie she is loved.
They surround her in a summers embrace.
When the day turn grey they rush to her side.
Holding her close, her tears fall no more.

Life isn't a movie though, the shy girl won' be loved.
She will speak of course, but they're not listening.
Her voice isn't going to hold them captivate, no.
There won't be anyone to run to her side.

When the shy girl speaks it will be too late.
They've all gone home.
She knows deep down though, she wasn't welcome to begin with.
Her tears will fall, alone.



Arabella

Growing up

Now that we've safely stumbled into May it is time for my college course to be coming to an end. My friends are off to start the next chapter of their lives at Uni, some are going to spend a year in full time work and others are taking a gap year to get a deeper understanding of how the world works.

As for me?

I have no idea what I'm doing next.

Sure I have plans and fall back options just encase I don't find something better to do, but realistically I don't know what I want to do.

University is out of the question as I'm not confident enough in my future to get myself into thousands of pounds of debt, I'm not really in a position to pay the several thousand for my discipleship year, nor have I got enough funds to pay for the higher education course that I wanted to do at college. I have got an unconditional offer on a place studying business at my current college for a year, this is just my fall back option though, but I am glad to have it there.


Believe in yo…