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Book shop musings

I finally built up the courage to have a cuppa at Booka. In the town by where I live there is a fantastic interdependent book shop called Booka. I've spent many hours mulling around the shelves of the shop, picking up books and jut enjoying the atmosphere. Today though, was the day that I finally enjoyed the little coffee shop area of it and I was not disappointed, I could not have higher praise for the place. 

Book Shop Musings 

The first thing that came to mind as I sat down was that there was something wrong with me. My friends and class mates were having a social and lunch in the pub and I'm siting down with a mocha in my favourite book shop. 

I thought that there was somethings wrong with me for wanting to sit alone surrounded by books and not spend time with my peers. but the more I sit here the more I enjoy the atmosphere, the more I begin to realise that there's nothing wrong with me at all.

I've always thought that I'm just antisocial, that I just couldn't be bothered with socialising, but sitting here I'm understanding that I just enjoy my own company and there is nothing wrong with that. I crave company don't get me wrong, I spend a lot if time getting rather down about the fact that I struggle to socialise and maintain friendships. I look at my friends, see them smiling, having a good time together and I can't help but feel a little bit hollow. Of course as soon as that though pops up I will surly stamp it out or bury it in the deepest depths of my mind, but the little ghost has a point, I do want company. 

I don't want to be around fireworks of people, I'm not really one for enjoying being smothered by noise. For me, friendship has always been being able to sit in silence and being comfortable with it. To be two individuals just enjoying each others company sounds great in my mind. Do I like having a good giggle and loudness, absolutely if I'm with the right people. But sometimes I just want silence. 

Whilst sitting here, I've been thinking on other lines as well. Why mind sometimes feel like a train station, but the trains are never on time. 

A lot of the time I feel a bit isolated for liking to read. Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes I can't stand the fact that I want to be an author, that I want to write poetry in my spare time and publish my own book. I don't have any friends who feel the same about words as I do, or at least not at college where I spend most my time. But sitting here surrounded by books, I feel a little less lonely. There has to be hundreds of books here, surrounding me. For a smaller sized place they sure know how to stock it well. Every single one of these books though, has an author, someone who lovingly invested hours upon hours into them, molding it from carefully selected words.

I know not all authors are timid creatures that hide from social interaction, like myself, however some are.

Many of these books were made by people like me.

Chances are that are all a lot older, have more experience and drive than I do, but do you know how many hours it takes to write a book? I'm sure most of them faced the dilemma of do they send time with their friends or spend time alone working on their book. Am I spending this alone time to write my book? Nope, I'm focusing on poetry and writing this post. But these people must have felt comfortable in themselves to sit alone in a coffee shop.

There's nothing wrong with me sitting alone. There's nothing wrong with me for wanting to spend time with my thoughts. There's also nothing wrong with me wanting to spend time with friends either.

There's nothing wrong with being yourself!

People say that there's so many things wrong with my generation, what's true, we spend too much time on phones, on computers, don't spend enough time outside, many guys have very little respect for women.

I used to think I was an anomaly in my generation, that I was born in the wrong time period, but I'm not. One thing that I'm beginning to appreciate about the generation that I come from is that we are so diverse (sort of). Some of us find pashion in time outdoors, others dedicate themselves to songs and others, silence. Some love to wear makeup and some of us don't. At college you can study so many subjects and we can be so many things.

Our generation has it's problems sure, but all generations do. But we're diverse and changing, my generation is weird but normal, loving, hateful. careful and careless. We're all individuals in a sea of clones and that's the beauty of us.

So no, there's nothing wrong with me wanting to be alone. I wasn't made from the same mold as the rest of the world, none of us were. So isn't it about time we embrace that? Sure, it's painful at points not always going with the majority, we will find our-self questioning what makes us, us and soon believe that there is something wrong with us. But that is natural.

Right now though, I'm putting my anxiety's behind me and just enjoying my book shop musings.

Wrote on 23rd May 17

I do love this place, so if you're ever in the oswestry area, go check them out
(photo from website)


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