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Disclaimer

I finally have my laptop back!!! It should now be fixed and not turning off on me every few minuets, what means I can get back to blogging again.

So I've been thinking about my blog, I've been struggling to find a topic to talk about recently and I've came up blank time after time after time. It's been an absolute pain if I'm honest.

I've had things I've wanted to talk about. I've had poems I've wanted to share, I've had rants, DIY tutorials and just general chatty posts I thought would be cool to share. But I haven't. I haven't posted any of them, I didn't even try to write them either. I didn't even attempt it. Not because I didn't want to but because I didn't feel like it would be good enough. I realised that every time I wanted to share something I felt like I had to apologize to you all.

I felt that I had to apologize for my posts not being good enough.

I forgot why I started this blog and got so caught up in other people's opinions.

Every post I though of writing I said to myself (not literally, I promise I'm not insane) but I thought I would have to write a disclaimer on my post. I thought that what I was writing was bad enough that I had to apologize for how bad my post were.

I felt that what ever I was writing wasn't good. But I've came to the realisation that maybe my posts aren't that bad. I'm not saying that my posts are amazing, but what I'm trying to say is that I started this blog as an escape, as a safe space to have rants, express my opinion. But I forgot this, I got so caught up on what people through of my posts that I stopped doing this. That was wrong.


So I'm going back to the beginning.

I'm taking my blog back and I will be posting what I want to post.

My posts won't be perfect.
I'm crap at poetry.
I don't have hall the answers.
My spelling is atrocious.
I am flawed.
And I apologize if you are wanting to read a perfect blog because i can say now that this isn't one.
This blog is run by a confused, hyperactive, hurt, damaged, oddball of a teenager who is coming to terms with becoming and adult and her own struggles but has ever intention to over come them and survive.

So this is my disclaimer, it's the only one you're going to get.
My posts won't be good, they won't be perfect but they are real.
I'm sorry if they're not good enough but as long as i am happy with them that's all that matters.

Keep on smiling guys.
Ella.


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EXCITING NEWS!

Hiya all.

It's been a while since my last post hasn't it?

A lot has been happening in these past moths My life has taken a roller-coaster of a journey. One full of pain and excitement, love, self acceptance, hard conclusions and fear, lot of fear, it's been quite something.

During this time it might look like I've taken a break from blogging and in some ways this is true, I've taken a break from Acting Natural, but I've been blogging more than ever before.



So today I'd like to introduce you to Lost In The Story.

This is my main blog and is the reason I haven't posted in several moths, I've moved sites.

So why have I done this?

Reason one being that as a blogger I've started to expand and grow. I love Bloggers simplicity but as I started to write more I wished for more control of my blog and the only way I could do that was to move platforms. It's been a bit hard learning a much more complex system but I'm loving it.

I've also changed …

Shy girl speaks

In the movies the shy girl will speak.
She'll find a man that understands and she will be come brave.
Clenched hands she will rise to the stage,
Her audience a sea of those who doubted her.

In the movie she opens her mouth and starlight comes out.
An enigma unraveled in the pale blue of her voices.
People sit shocked, unable to move.
They listen to her voice like their new favorite tune.

In the movie she is loved.
They surround her in a summers embrace.
When the day turn grey they rush to her side.
Holding her close, her tears fall no more.

Life isn't a movie though, the shy girl won' be loved.
She will speak of course, but they're not listening.
Her voice isn't going to hold them captivate, no.
There won't be anyone to run to her side.

When the shy girl speaks it will be too late.
They've all gone home.
She knows deep down though, she wasn't welcome to begin with.
Her tears will fall, alone.



Arabella

Growing up

Now that we've safely stumbled into May it is time for my college course to be coming to an end. My friends are off to start the next chapter of their lives at Uni, some are going to spend a year in full time work and others are taking a gap year to get a deeper understanding of how the world works.

As for me?

I have no idea what I'm doing next.

Sure I have plans and fall back options just encase I don't find something better to do, but realistically I don't know what I want to do.

University is out of the question as I'm not confident enough in my future to get myself into thousands of pounds of debt, I'm not really in a position to pay the several thousand for my discipleship year, nor have I got enough funds to pay for the higher education course that I wanted to do at college. I have got an unconditional offer on a place studying business at my current college for a year, this is just my fall back option though, but I am glad to have it there.


Believe in yo…