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Showing posts from December, 2016

Faith, hope and love

This afternoon I was talking to a friend of mine, I was pretty stumped on what I could write about today. We have a bit of a running joke as both of us have blogs that we write but we are both too afraid to let each other read them, well I know I am anyway. But I don't mind talking about mine periodically, waiting for the day that I will let them read mine.

During this they said about made writing a post to make others feel better about themselves. I can't remember the precises words they used but it was something along the lines  of  "write something that makes people think they're worth a damn." There words not mine... But they had a point.

Being honest I wasn't completely sold on the idea, I haven't been the happiest with myself lately and I have taken a whole load of hits and step backs, leaving me feeling unable to talk to you all about self love, simply because I didn't really feel like loving myself at that point in time.

Not really wanting t…

More beautiful when broken.

A year or so ago I was at an even called New Wine.

During the week  went to a seminar called 'my friends scars'. It was all about self harm and how as a christian we can support recovery with people who self harm and how we can use the bible to help ourselves if we were struggling fighting it. I don't remember too much about it to be honest, much to my annoyance that year I was too shy to make notes during the seminar, this yea I learned my lesson and took a note book with me. However, 16 year old me did make one not on a scrap of paper, I sadly lost that piece of paper until this afternoon where I found it.

On that piece of paper was the word 'kintsukuroi'.

 kintsukuroi (sometimes known as Kintsugi) is a beautiful thing.From what i have read, it's origins is from Japan. Broken pottery is repaired, that's all it is. But instead of being repaired with glue, it's repaired with lacure that contains gold or other desirable metals. The outcome of these repai…

Don't be afraid to recover

I think I've mentioned my friends quite a few times now. I think I've also mentioned that non of them are in a particularly good place at this point in time and are all at different points on their individual roads of recovery and self acceptance.

But one thing I have noticed is that I am so influenced by my friends. I wouldn't say that they pressure me to do anything that I don't want to do but I am however very influenced by them subconsciously.

So my friends barley eat, and when I say barley eat I mean it. I have an eating disorder and I eat more then them! What worries me.

But here's the thing because they don't eat really, I always think that I'm a fake, I think that there is nothing wrong with me and I'm just being an attention seeking idiot. That frame of mind escalates and I end up in a very bad place. Or I think that because I have an eating disorder I should be eating less. I don't really have much of a social life, so my Friends are the o…

I wish - Poem

I wish...

I wish I could write poetry
To put words on a page that made readers thoughts go ablaze is all that I wish.
Instead I sit starting at a blank screen.

For me poetry was letting things go when your words just wouldn't make sense.
An excuse to write recklessly with no thought or care.
A place to say, yeah ok lets try that instead.
I wish I could write poetry to tame the demons in my head.

I wish I could put in pretty words what was really going on.
To say I'm scared, I'm tired, I'm not quite sure whats going on!
But here I sit wondering how others can write what I only wish I could.
I wish I could could write poetry because no one else quite understood .

I wish I could just type and a masterpiece would appear
With words a line that all make sense
But with no experience, luck or charm
My words fail and they do more harm.
And I'm left only wishing I could.
I wish I could write poetry but I think I could if, I only opened my eyes and see
Whats really there, sur…

At the end of the day (Matthew 6:24)

Things have been very difficult lately.

I've been so miserable, confused, hurt, anxious and just in a bad place for the past few weeks. Nothing too bad has triggered anything but in general I have just been bad. Without fully realising it I had, had a major relapse in my eating. I went through denial, anger, hurt, confrontations and finally acceptance. I'm not fully ok as I write this but I am way stronger than I have been over these last few weeks and because of this I wanted to share something with you all.

I won't kid myself and say that I know loads about the bible. I can't recite it off by heart, I can't remember my favorite verse off the top of my head and I most certainly do not understand everything in it. However, I do like to read it. For me having a genuine relationship with God was more important than being able to recite the bible off by heart. But naturally my relationship with him does get better the more I read my bible.

I have a notebook that I keep…

Inside my art journals

So a while back I did a post about art journals. I briefly went over what they were and showed a picture of what I was doing currently with it and because I really enjoyed writing about my art journal I have decided to write another one. This time however, I'm going to show you a few of my completed pages.
I have a total of 3 art journals. Only one is complete and another retired as I didn't like the feel of the book I was doing it in, the third on I am currently using. My first art journal was a blank ring binder sketch book. I loved the fact that it had a canvas front so I could design my own cover fro it and completely personalise the entire thing. My first art journal wasn't pretty, the pages that I'll show you are from later on in it as by that point I had developed my skills a little more.

My second one was an A4 diary that I had wrote in when I was 12. I only managed to write in it for a week and didn't want to waste a perfectly good book so I decided to ad…