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Showing posts from October, 2016

You are enough.

Ok, so I have had something on my mind for a while and I really want to share it with you all.

I want to talk to you about body positivity and self confidences, especially confidence in your body.




So let's start this with me being real with you all. I am NOT confident with my body. I will be talking about things that I can not yet believe or think about my self yet. I am still struggling with how I see my own body. I do not love it how I should, I do not care for it how I should and I do not fight for it as much as I should. But I really want to talk too you all about this subjects and I will explain why in a bit. But for now I did just want to be real with you all. I am talking to about things that I am still fighting. I am writing this post for you guys, who read it, and for myself. I get a lot out of blogging and I often find myself supporting and coming to terms better with things if I write about it.

So now that that bit is over I will explain why I am going to be t…

Little hidden jems.

I have always loved exploring. I like finding new places and looking around, finding all the little hidden delights that a new place could hold. However, because I'm a little bit more cautious and unsure of things nowadays I very rarely will go into unfamiliar environments.

I've been on holiday in the Lake District this week, and whilst I was there we came across a second hand book shop. From the outside it didn't look like much, the shop window displays weren't very well done, the building looked small and grotty and it just didn't look to inviting but despite this I really wanted to go inside, because duh who wouldn't want to explore a old book shop?  My mum wasn't too up for it but she agreed to come in with me all the same.

I can honestly say it was an absolutely lovely shock inside. The ground floor was split in two, one side was good condition second hand books, with no real order, the second half was like a little gift shop selling really cute things …

So I found this quote...

So I found this whilst exploring the wonderful depths of Pintrest  I'm not too big a fan of putting quotes like this in my posts. I'm not sure why, I just don't like them being there. However, I know people like looking at images, pretty pictures and it breaks up long paragraphs to text, so I do throw them in on the odd occasion. But for some reason I really liked this quote, and I've decided that I'm going to listen to it *sigh* and talk about positive things for a change. I know I always try to end some of my more personal recovery posts on a positive but I am aware that Monday's one most certainly did not. So I'm going to make up for it know. 
So lets talk about happiness! 
I'm most happy when I'm close to God. When I really push and try to have a close and good relationship with Him I am at my most happiest. It was God who set me free from self harm and it's Him who showed me that it is possible for me to live without an eating disorder, it…

Update on things

So it's been a little while since I did an update on how my recovery was going. I wasn't too sure where to start with this so I'm just going to write. I apologies now if this is bad and doesn't flow very well. I just wanted to vent today, what means this is going to be a very long, honest post, sorry.
Ella.

So one of the main areas that I find particularly stressful is eating out, this could be at a friends house, at a restaurant or anywhere that isn't in my usual environment. This is the one area that I know is completely caused by anxiety and not my bad relationship with food... normally. In someway I think I've taken a step backwards, only a small one but it's a step back all the same. That step back is that I'm starting to count calories far more and with accuracy as well. I never used to do this, manly because I didn't like mental maths. That hasn't changed but I find myself doing it on almost everything that comes with packaging.

My friend…

A brief introduction to art journals

So lately I think my post are getting a little to serious for my liking, so I'm going to get sidetracked and ramble on about meaningless, lighthearted things. So I'm going to ramble on about art journals.

For those who don' know what art journal it is a random book where you just make art. It doesn't have to be good or pretty nor does it have to make sense. You just make art, usually in a sketchbook. I once saw an awesome quote that said that an art journal was just having a visual conversation with yourself. That pretty sums up what art journaling is. You just create things, with no purpose other than to have fun. I personally find it very therapeutic. It's nice just to send time just doing something fun.

I started about two and a half years ago. My first art journal was terrible. It was so bad but I loved it all the same. It was scrappy, disorganised and not very pretty to look at. The process of making it was so nice. 


Above was a photo I took whilst I was work…

Helpless?

There is one thing that I think most people can relate to to, and that's hating the feeling of helplessness. To see something, someone hurt or in pain and not being able to help them, not knowing how to help them is horrible.

For me I find myself feeling helpless when it come to my friends and people I care about more often than ever before. I so desperately want to help these people, especially the ones that I really care about, but I find myself lacking the knowledge to help them. But when I know how to I find myself in too much of  vulnerable position emotionally to help. I spent my school years putting my friends emotional health before my own. Helping them was all that mattered to me. Now in college and realising that I myself am suffering emotionally I had to make the decision to take a step back. To put my own health before others for the time being. I fell terrible for that, I feel selfish. But I can't help them if I am broken to such a significant extent myself. If I …

Creating a book outline.

So you've got a pretty awesome plot for a book spinning around in your head. You've thought it through loads, fell in love with the characters and you're desperate to write it. There's only one problem. You have no idea how to turn your crazy idea into words and get it down on paper.

Outlining is a pretty cool way to start if you're in this position. The temptation, I've found personally, is to dive into you writing trying to write down as much as you can as quickly as you can, in my experience this never goes too well. I lose direction of my plot and forget where I am in the story. Soon I become disheartened and stop simply because the task looks far too big for me.

This is where outlining comes in. Instead of going full pelt into it, you can brake it down, chapter by chapter. You can see clearly what plot points or sub plot points are taking place in that particular chapter. It doesn't overwhelm but has enough points to keep you focused on the direction t…

One step at a time

So it turns out that I have anxiety to quite a big extent. After going to see a therapist yesterday and going over with them what had happened they came to the conclusion that most of my issues were more than likely caused by having anxiety that just wasn't being dealt with properly.

It was quite an encouraging but also upsetting yesterday. It was really nice to hear that they thought I had a shot at a full recovery from my eating disorder. They said it would be difficult but I sought help at the right time, but it did hurt to hear the true dangers of having an eating disorder. To have the facts laid out in front of you, rather brutally might I add, was difficult to hear. I think I'm still rather laid back about this, I think that because I know I can get better I'm not really seeing the dangers of what I'm doing. I'm refusing to see what could happen because I'm convinced it won't. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing, chances are its bad.

Tru…

Calm Jar tutorial

Calm jar tutorial

So one of the days whilst I was searching through the Internet bored I came across these things called calm jars. All that they are, are jars filled with glitter that look pretty when you shake them.

As far as I know they were designed for younger children, however last year I made a gold one and loved how pretty it looked with all the glitter floating round in it. So I decided I would have make one another one today and take photos encase anyone was ever curios as to how you make them. I wouldn't necessarily say they calm you down, but they are very pretty to look at. I've never done this before so I doubt it'll be too good, sorry.

So you will need:  A selection of glitters and glitter glue. A jam jar of your choice. Hot water Something to stir it all with (It will get loads of glitter on it So you're going to want to get some hot water and fill your jar close to the top, not all the way, but close.
Next you're going to want to get your first gli…

A little possitve

So if you've read any other of my posts you will know by now that I'm at the beginning of my recovery process for my eating disorder, in my last post I said that it was going ok. That is still true. Considering thing are going ok at the moment I'd like to share a positive that has really helped me kinda eat more these past few weeks. That positive would be smoothies.

I know its a little weird but please bear with me on this one.

So I would say that I'm a little weird simply because I prefer fruit over chocolate, I have done for my entire life. Not necessarily because I think that fruit has less calories in it than chocolate (I have no idea if that is true, I hope it is though and I am assuming it is) but I just prefer the taste of fruit. Yes, i still will eat chocolate but I don't always enjoy it as much as everyone else, especially since I can see how many calories there is on a bar. But I'm not going to lie, before my eating disorder I would happily sit and …

Recovery

So it's been about a month an a half into my recovery and things are going ok.

I've been told many times that recovery will be a slow process and I understood that, but now thinking about it I'm just realizing how true those words are. My recovery will take a long time. I was naive enough to think that I could just make the decision to get better and everything would change. Apparently it doesn't work like that.

Recovery is slow.
It's hard.
It's making minuet by minuet decisions to get better.
It's painful.
Sometimes it makes me miserable. 
It can make me hate myself even more.
It's upsetting.
It can make me wish I'd never asked for help in the first place.

Recovery can be nice.
It can make me better.
It can make me like myself more.
My recovery is bringing me closer to God.

But it is so, so hard.
I have privilege of knowing that I can get better though. Not everyone will have this knowledge. Through out my recovery I can rest on the knowledge that …