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Fighting gainst food.

TRIGGER WARNING! I write this only as a release for my emotions. I am not writing this to promote eating disorders, I only write this as a way of copping for me. If you are unsure if you can read about eating disorders and mentions of self harm and not be negatively impacted by it, please do not read any further.
Ella.

They're is some things I would never wish upon anyone, one thing especially.

That thing is an eating disorder.

A matter of weeks ago I was told by GP that I had an eating disorder. I was hurt by that. I always knew that I had a bad relationship with food, for six months I have been skipping meals, cutting down my food intake, counting calories and excessively exercising. I knew I had a bad relationship with food, but to hear my GP say how bad it truly was, shocked me.

It didn't make any sense. After battling with self harm for 6 years and finally being able to say that I was winning, I was convinced that I loved myself, I loved the person that God made me to be. I was confused as to how this happened, how I was letting this happen. 

I will not lie and say that fighting this is easy. Today I write this with a heavy mind. I struggled to get out of bed this morning, I can't stand for long periods of time without feeling like I am going to pass out, I'm so tired yet I've slept for 10 hours. I do not write this post from a place for full recovery. I write this from a place of vulnerability and pain.

Despite this I can say with full confidence that I will get better, that I will get better. This fight will not define my life. I will not let my eating disorder define and become who I am. I am strong, I am beautiful and I am confident in God. I will get better, I will succeed and God will always be by my side to carry me, to fight my battles when I no longer can. With Him by my side I can and will get better. There will be good days and bad days. But I will win this battle.

Ella.

Comments

  1. Hello Ella,
    I've found your blog on TBC. It's terrible to hear such things. Nevertheless I can understand the point of why you are writing it down at the blog. WHenever something is wrong or something bad happened in my life i#ve written that down. This still have helped me to handle with my problems.
    I haven't an eating disorder but the world has prejudices about people no matter which person you are. I don't convict you, I promise.
    When you want to fight against try is with little steps, because of reaching them is easier.
    Get well,
    Love,Lea

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hiya, Leah
    It's nice to know I'm not the only one who finds writing things down helpful.
    Thanks for the advice.
    Ella :)

    ReplyDelete

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More beautiful when broken.

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