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Being the outsider



Every group of friends has one.

The Outsider.

The one that does not fit in completely.

Or maybe that's just me and my group of 'friends'.

I know that I'm the outsider. I'm the one person in that group that doesn't 100% fit in, the one that's a little too weird, that doesn't quite have the same interests as everyone else. But for some reason I serve enough of a purposes that my friends keep me for short periods of time, until I serve my purpose and I have to hunt around for new friends.

When people talk about being the outsider everyone seems to jump to the conclusion that you just want to be an individual, that you're desperate to be the different one, the rebel outcast, you want people's sympathy, you want people's attention. For me that's not the case.

After all my life of being the odd one out in my groups of friends and being the dreaded outsider, I've came to the conclusion that it might not be a bad thing. No, I'm not one of those teenagers who just say "no one understand me", loads of people are like me. I know that if I was honest to people, I would soon discover that they're are many people going through what I am at the moment. I know that there are loads of outsiders just like me. And I find comfort in that.

Being the outsider isn't nice. You never truly fit in with people, you seem to move from friendship group to friendship group, meeting loads of people, building loads of relationships, but those relationships are hollow. In a years time you won't matter to them. You seem to have one close friend.

But I get to mix with loads of people. By being passed on to one group to another I've met people I never thought I would, I meet people with different cultures than my own. My outlook on life isn't as closed off as some of my peers as I've seen things they haven't, I've met people they haven't. One month I'm taking to a girl who has an amazing life on the surface. She has a big house, lots of money because her parents work, loving siblings, new phone every year and a good stable job herself. But I learn of how unhappy she is. The next month I'm talking to a girl who comes from a poor family, she has eight sibling, and only her and her farther work. Her life doesn't sound too nice, it sounds quite hard. but she's happy. She tells me about how much she loves her younger siblings, she describes the smiles on their faces when they open their few birthday presents. I begin to think of how fortunate I am, how much I've truly got. I begin to question if I really need new clothing to be happy within my self. If I wasn't a outsider I wouldn't have gotten the chance to talk to these people, I would have just hung around with one group of people.Yes I might have had stable friendships but I wouldn't have had the opertunity to talk and meet all the people that I have.

Sure as an outsider I meet loads of people but never have the big groups of friends. I only have one close friend and an open mind, and I wouldn't change that for the world.

Ella.

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More beautiful when broken.

A year or so ago I was at an even called New Wine.

During the week  went to a seminar called 'my friends scars'. It was all about self harm and how as a christian we can support recovery with people who self harm and how we can use the bible to help ourselves if we were struggling fighting it. I don't remember too much about it to be honest, much to my annoyance that year I was too shy to make notes during the seminar, this yea I learned my lesson and took a note book with me. However, 16 year old me did make one not on a scrap of paper, I sadly lost that piece of paper until this afternoon where I found it.

On that piece of paper was the word 'kintsukuroi'.

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