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Being the outsider

Every group of friends has one.

The Outsider.

The one that does not fit in completely.

Or maybe that's just me and my group of 'friends'.

I know that I'm the outsider. I'm the one person in that group that doesn't 100% fit in, the one that's a little too weird, that doesn't quite have the same interests as everyone else. But for some reason I serve enough of a purposes that my friends keep me for short periods of time, until I serve my purpose and I have to hunt around for new friends.

When people talk about being the outsider everyone seems to jump to the conclusion that you just want to be an individual, that you're desperate to be the different one, the rebel outcast, you want people's sympathy, you want people's attention. For me that's not the case.

After all my life of being the odd one out in my groups of friends and being the dreaded outsider, I've came to the conclusion that it might not be a bad thing. No, I'm not one of those teenagers who just say "no one understand me", loads of people are like me. I know that if I was honest to people, I would soon discover that they're are many people going through what I am at the moment. I know that there are loads of outsiders just like me. And I find comfort in that.

Being the outsider isn't nice. You never truly fit in with people, you seem to move from friendship group to friendship group, meeting loads of people, building loads of relationships, but those relationships are hollow. In a years time you won't matter to them. You seem to have one close friend.

But I get to mix with loads of people. By being passed on to one group to another I've met people I never thought I would, I meet people with different cultures than my own. My outlook on life isn't as closed off as some of my peers as I've seen things they haven't, I've met people they haven't. One month I'm taking to a girl who has an amazing life on the surface. She has a big house, lots of money because her parents work, loving siblings, new phone every year and a good stable job herself. But I learn of how unhappy she is. The next month I'm talking to a girl who comes from a poor family, she has eight sibling, and only her and her farther work. Her life doesn't sound too nice, it sounds quite hard. but she's happy. She tells me about how much she loves her younger siblings, she describes the smiles on their faces when they open their few birthday presents. I begin to think of how fortunate I am, how much I've truly got. I begin to question if I really need new clothing to be happy within my self. If I wasn't a outsider I wouldn't have gotten the chance to talk to these people, I would have just hung around with one group of people.Yes I might have had stable friendships but I wouldn't have had the opertunity to talk and meet all the people that I have.

Sure as an outsider I meet loads of people but never have the big groups of friends. I only have one close friend and an open mind, and I wouldn't change that for the world.



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Hiya all.

It's been a while since my last post hasn't it?

A lot has been happening in these past moths My life has taken a roller-coaster of a journey. One full of pain and excitement, love, self acceptance, hard conclusions and fear, lot of fear, it's been quite something.

During this time it might look like I've taken a break from blogging and in some ways this is true, I've taken a break from Acting Natural, but I've been blogging more than ever before.

So today I'd like to introduce you to Lost In The Story.

This is my main blog and is the reason I haven't posted in several moths, I've moved sites.

So why have I done this?

Reason one being that as a blogger I've started to expand and grow. I love Bloggers simplicity but as I started to write more I wished for more control of my blog and the only way I could do that was to move platforms. It's been a bit hard learning a much more complex system but I'm loving it.

I've also changed …

Shy girl speaks

In the movies the shy girl will speak.
She'll find a man that understands and she will be come brave.
Clenched hands she will rise to the stage,
Her audience a sea of those who doubted her.

In the movie she opens her mouth and starlight comes out.
An enigma unraveled in the pale blue of her voices.
People sit shocked, unable to move.
They listen to her voice like their new favorite tune.

In the movie she is loved.
They surround her in a summers embrace.
When the day turn grey they rush to her side.
Holding her close, her tears fall no more.

Life isn't a movie though, the shy girl won' be loved.
She will speak of course, but they're not listening.
Her voice isn't going to hold them captivate, no.
There won't be anyone to run to her side.

When the shy girl speaks it will be too late.
They've all gone home.
She knows deep down though, she wasn't welcome to begin with.
Her tears will fall, alone.


Growing up

Now that we've safely stumbled into May it is time for my college course to be coming to an end. My friends are off to start the next chapter of their lives at Uni, some are going to spend a year in full time work and others are taking a gap year to get a deeper understanding of how the world works.

As for me?

I have no idea what I'm doing next.

Sure I have plans and fall back options just encase I don't find something better to do, but realistically I don't know what I want to do.

University is out of the question as I'm not confident enough in my future to get myself into thousands of pounds of debt, I'm not really in a position to pay the several thousand for my discipleship year, nor have I got enough funds to pay for the higher education course that I wanted to do at college. I have got an unconditional offer on a place studying business at my current college for a year, this is just my fall back option though, but I am glad to have it there.

Believe in yo…