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Being hurt and letting go.

It's hard to recover when someone has hurt you. It's even harder when those people are your friends. It can be hard to think of the good times when you are so fixated on what has happened to you in the past, what they have done to you in the past.

All of those good days, those trips to town, those hours spent watching movies together can be very hard to hold on to when those very people have hurt you. Especially if you are not even sure how those people have hurt you, you just know they have.

The most common reaction would be to cut them off and try and look after yourself, to think "You don't need those people in your life." Some people might be more diplomatic and talk to those people who had hurt you. That is a very brave thing to do. Something I sadly am not brave enough to do. I can't tell if I'm too scared to or if I don't want to put my friendship on the line. What sounds silly considering that I have been hurt by people I call my friends.

Today has been a funny day. I was apprehensive about going in to college today. I'd had a bad night and an even worse morning. I really didn't want to go into college today. I didn't want to face THEM. More specifically HER. It's not nice going into a place and seeing the people that have hurt you. Its even worse after a bad night. I came to college with a bad mind, I didn't plan on staying the entire day. I had some hard lessons in the morning and nothing for the entire afternoon.

I had to swallow my pride and my hurt and just get on with it. I had to get on with talking to and forgiving the people who had hurt me. I'm still upset about what happened but I did fell much better after spending some time with them. I can't forget what has happened, not when I'm fighting the consequences of those events, but the more time that I spent with them, the more that I remembered the good times that I had with them. I realized that I missed friendship, I missed their company.

I will always be cautious around them, but I really found it nice just to be around friends, company that I knew. It was nice to be a normal teenager without my issues being the front of my mind. Through talking with them, even if it wasn't directly abut the events that unfolded, gave a second view point on things. Through talking to them and watching more closely how they acted I noticed that maybe my pain was based off a misunderstanding.

Yes they have hurt me but I can't dwell on that forever, I have to move on and not let the past hold me back from future friendships.



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Hiya all.

It's been a while since my last post hasn't it?

A lot has been happening in these past moths My life has taken a roller-coaster of a journey. One full of pain and excitement, love, self acceptance, hard conclusions and fear, lot of fear, it's been quite something.

During this time it might look like I've taken a break from blogging and in some ways this is true, I've taken a break from Acting Natural, but I've been blogging more than ever before.

So today I'd like to introduce you to Lost In The Story.

This is my main blog and is the reason I haven't posted in several moths, I've moved sites.

So why have I done this?

Reason one being that as a blogger I've started to expand and grow. I love Bloggers simplicity but as I started to write more I wished for more control of my blog and the only way I could do that was to move platforms. It's been a bit hard learning a much more complex system but I'm loving it.

I've also changed …

Shy girl speaks

In the movies the shy girl will speak.
She'll find a man that understands and she will be come brave.
Clenched hands she will rise to the stage,
Her audience a sea of those who doubted her.

In the movie she opens her mouth and starlight comes out.
An enigma unraveled in the pale blue of her voices.
People sit shocked, unable to move.
They listen to her voice like their new favorite tune.

In the movie she is loved.
They surround her in a summers embrace.
When the day turn grey they rush to her side.
Holding her close, her tears fall no more.

Life isn't a movie though, the shy girl won' be loved.
She will speak of course, but they're not listening.
Her voice isn't going to hold them captivate, no.
There won't be anyone to run to her side.

When the shy girl speaks it will be too late.
They've all gone home.
She knows deep down though, she wasn't welcome to begin with.
Her tears will fall, alone.


Growing up

Now that we've safely stumbled into May it is time for my college course to be coming to an end. My friends are off to start the next chapter of their lives at Uni, some are going to spend a year in full time work and others are taking a gap year to get a deeper understanding of how the world works.

As for me?

I have no idea what I'm doing next.

Sure I have plans and fall back options just encase I don't find something better to do, but realistically I don't know what I want to do.

University is out of the question as I'm not confident enough in my future to get myself into thousands of pounds of debt, I'm not really in a position to pay the several thousand for my discipleship year, nor have I got enough funds to pay for the higher education course that I wanted to do at college. I have got an unconditional offer on a place studying business at my current college for a year, this is just my fall back option though, but I am glad to have it there.

Believe in yo…