Skip to main content

Being hurt and letting go.

It's hard to recover when someone has hurt you. It's even harder when those people are your friends. It can be hard to think of the good times when you are so fixated on what has happened to you in the past, what they have done to you in the past.

All of those good days, those trips to town, those hours spent watching movies together can be very hard to hold on to when those very people have hurt you. Especially if you are not even sure how those people have hurt you, you just know they have.

The most common reaction would be to cut them off and try and look after yourself, to think "You don't need those people in your life." Some people might be more diplomatic and talk to those people who had hurt you. That is a very brave thing to do. Something I sadly am not brave enough to do. I can't tell if I'm too scared to or if I don't want to put my friendship on the line. What sounds silly considering that I have been hurt by people I call my friends.

Today has been a funny day. I was apprehensive about going in to college today. I'd had a bad night and an even worse morning. I really didn't want to go into college today. I didn't want to face THEM. More specifically HER. It's not nice going into a place and seeing the people that have hurt you. Its even worse after a bad night. I came to college with a bad mind, I didn't plan on staying the entire day. I had some hard lessons in the morning and nothing for the entire afternoon.

I had to swallow my pride and my hurt and just get on with it. I had to get on with talking to and forgiving the people who had hurt me. I'm still upset about what happened but I did fell much better after spending some time with them. I can't forget what has happened, not when I'm fighting the consequences of those events, but the more time that I spent with them, the more that I remembered the good times that I had with them. I realized that I missed friendship, I missed their company.

I will always be cautious around them, but I really found it nice just to be around friends, company that I knew. It was nice to be a normal teenager without my issues being the front of my mind. Through talking with them, even if it wasn't directly abut the events that unfolded, gave a second view point on things. Through talking to them and watching more closely how they acted I noticed that maybe my pain was based off a misunderstanding.

Yes they have hurt me but I can't dwell on that forever, I have to move on and not let the past hold me back from future friendships.

Ella.

Comments

Popular Posts

Growing Pains

Growing up is a scary thing and in all honesty, I can't stand it.

I don't understand that at the age of 18 and now being considered an adult I have to act differently and all my old childish but comforting habits need to be demolished. I don't understand why I get disapproving looks when I don't do things others my age do.

Now that college is over people of my age are making the exciting transition to Uni or full time work, but mainly uni.

I'm not doing this.

I've just came out of college with an BTEC Extended diploma and a Sup diploma in forensic science. It's more than enough to get me into uni but I'm going back for a 3rd year at the hell hole more commonly know as college to study business.

When people ask why I'm not going to Uni in September my reply is usually along the lines of "I have a years left of funding and I want to make the most of it." This isn't a lie. I do have a years left of free funding so I might as well get anot…

Shy girl speaks

In the movies the shy girl will speak.
She'll find a man that understands and she will be come brave.
Clenched hands she will rise to the stage,
Her audience a sea of those who doubted her.

In the movie she opens her mouth and starlight comes out.
An enigma unraveled in the pale blue of her voices.
People sit shocked, unable to move.
They listen to her voice like their new favorite tune.

In the movie she is loved.
They surround her in a summers embrace.
When the day turn grey they rush to her side.
Holding her close, her tears fall no more.

Life isn't a movie though, the shy girl won' be loved.
She will speak of course, but they're not listening.
Her voice isn't going to hold them captivate, no.
There won't be anyone to run to her side.

When the shy girl speaks it will be too late.
They've all gone home.
She knows deep down though, she wasn't welcome to begin with.
Her tears will fall, alone.



Arabella

More beautiful when broken.

A year or so ago I was at an even called New Wine.

During the week  went to a seminar called 'my friends scars'. It was all about self harm and how as a christian we can support recovery with people who self harm and how we can use the bible to help ourselves if we were struggling fighting it. I don't remember too much about it to be honest, much to my annoyance that year I was too shy to make notes during the seminar, this yea I learned my lesson and took a note book with me. However, 16 year old me did make one not on a scrap of paper, I sadly lost that piece of paper until this afternoon where I found it.

On that piece of paper was the word 'kintsukuroi'.

 kintsukuroi (sometimes known as Kintsugi) is a beautiful thing.From what i have read, it's origins is from Japan. Broken pottery is repaired, that's all it is. But instead of being repaired with glue, it's repaired with lacure that contains gold or other desirable metals. The outcome of these repai…