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Being hurt and letting go.

It's hard to recover when someone has hurt you. It's even harder when those people are your friends. It can be hard to think of the good times when you are so fixated on what has happened to you in the past, what they have done to you in the past.

All of those good days, those trips to town, those hours spent watching movies together can be very hard to hold on to when those very people have hurt you. Especially if you are not even sure how those people have hurt you, you just know they have.

The most common reaction would be to cut them off and try and look after yourself, to think "You don't need those people in your life." Some people might be more diplomatic and talk to those people who had hurt you. That is a very brave thing to do. Something I sadly am not brave enough to do. I can't tell if I'm too scared to or if I don't want to put my friendship on the line. What sounds silly considering that I have been hurt by people I call my friends.

Today has been a funny day. I was apprehensive about going in to college today. I'd had a bad night and an even worse morning. I really didn't want to go into college today. I didn't want to face THEM. More specifically HER. It's not nice going into a place and seeing the people that have hurt you. Its even worse after a bad night. I came to college with a bad mind, I didn't plan on staying the entire day. I had some hard lessons in the morning and nothing for the entire afternoon.

I had to swallow my pride and my hurt and just get on with it. I had to get on with talking to and forgiving the people who had hurt me. I'm still upset about what happened but I did fell much better after spending some time with them. I can't forget what has happened, not when I'm fighting the consequences of those events, but the more time that I spent with them, the more that I remembered the good times that I had with them. I realized that I missed friendship, I missed their company.

I will always be cautious around them, but I really found it nice just to be around friends, company that I knew. It was nice to be a normal teenager without my issues being the front of my mind. Through talking with them, even if it wasn't directly abut the events that unfolded, gave a second view point on things. Through talking to them and watching more closely how they acted I noticed that maybe my pain was based off a misunderstanding.

Yes they have hurt me but I can't dwell on that forever, I have to move on and not let the past hold me back from future friendships.

Ella.

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